there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
