I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
