Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
