I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Randomize
