I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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