So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Randomize
