Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have so many feelings about this burrito
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Who put my cat in the fridge?
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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