I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
he high fived his dick after we had sex
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
