i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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