Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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