Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
Randomize
