I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
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