Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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