Can Purell be used as lube?
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
