i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
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