she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
