Can i not drive my cunt home
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
