life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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