Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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