Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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