so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
