you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
