Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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