Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
