Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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