**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
