You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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