you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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