Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
