i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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