i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
