We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
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