The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
