Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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