I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize