We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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