No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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