yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
