Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
