absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
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