he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
