Don't you send me to vm
I faked an abortion last night.
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
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