my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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