you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
