Just took my morning after pill in the library
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
