Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Randomize
