Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
