Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Still dying that you shit outside
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
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