After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
there was a trapeze. enough said
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
