alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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