party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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