I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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