i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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