Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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