i think i have herpe
just one?
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
