just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
