Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
