i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
