I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Randomize
