There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
