Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
i may or may not be watching the land before time
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
