I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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