a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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