someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
