im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
last night I used snow as a chaser
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Randomize
