hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
