WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
