That's intense
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize