Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
