So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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