My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
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