Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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