The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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