That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
