A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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