My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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