Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize
