Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Randomize
