i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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