If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
