dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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