my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
