i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Randomize
