doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
Randomize
