roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
3pm strippers are depressing
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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