Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
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