Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize