we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
