i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
My penis needs a shock collar
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
