Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
