Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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