if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Still dying that you shit outside
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
