Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
