just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Randomize
