please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
we're so committed to being not committed
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