Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
